Professionals Tamborine Mountain 
The beauty and tranquility of Tamborine Mountain often draws new families or young couples here to start a new life together alongside locals who have been at each other’s sides for untold years. However, eventually every sea sees a storm, and when the waters of life become choppy, Linda Gray is here to help. Since 2017 she has run the Relationship Sanctuary, a retreat that comes with an itinerary of counselling and therapy to help mend those fracturing bonds, and she was more than happy to tell us just what goes into such an important and empathetic service.
by Kyle Hitchmough
What was your inspiration to set up the Relationship Sanctuary?
I’ve always had a passion for helping people, especially in their relationships. I saw a lot of friends go through really painful breakups and though it would be so nice to have the skills to be able to help people. I went to uni back in 2003 to study counselling and that became a bit of a journey for me. I ended up with 3 degrees and I’m still doing study! You never stop learning.
What goes into the process of starting counselling here?
I do a lot of counselling right across the board. I get a lot of referrals just from the paper— I write a weekly column on relationships! That gets people’s attention, they relate to what’s in there. The mountain is such a therapeutic environment just to come and stay for a while, have that time out, get a bit of counselling. I encourage couples to go on a walk or do something together in between. It’s a nice way to do therapy and much better results from having that sort of intensive experience in an environment where you’re away from all the distractions.
Are you only open to married couples or are your services more widely available?
Yes, it’s a broader net. I do a lot of individual counselling because people have issues that impact their relationships. Often someone will come and say “I’m just coming first because I’m having some problems with…” and then we’ll do some couples counselling and they end up on this journey of sorting themselves out. It intertwines.
Is it only couples you offer your services to, or any kind of relationship?
Lately it’s been a lot of parents with adult children where there’s been a rift there. It works with any kind of relationship. It’s just about getting to understand where each other is coming from. Also, being aware of what’s triggering you in this conflict and being able to help each other unpack that, to create a safe environment where they’re not feeling under attack.
What facilities do you have here?
There is a little studio they can stay in with facilities where they can cook or go out for dinner. It’s private and they’ve got their own space with a little spa pool. The other option is that we’ve kept in close contact with the previous owners of a B&B we used to operate out of and we have a package where you can stay there, and there’s an office there where I can do the counselling.
Are you more in the business of fixing a relationship when it has been broken, or do you offer more preventative counselling?
That’s a very good question! I get quite a range of couples. Some are in desperate need where things are really broken and there is a lot that needs to be addressed. But some couples will come because they just feel like they’re a bit stuck in a certain area. I’d say that’s a bit of a preventative check-in. I also do pre-marriage counselling as well. There’s a program called Prepare/Enrich, it’s a six-week program that takes couples that are just starting out on their journey.
Are there any common problems?
Most people come in saying “Oh, we’ve just got some communication problems.” But when you start to unpack that, that’s really just a symptom of what’s going on underneath. I take couples through the Gottman method of the sound relationship. It’s a model for looking at what actually makes a good foundation for a relationship. People don’t realise that they have to put effort into their relationships. They get married and just stop making an effort, they stop being intentional. Generally, I find that’s the underlying issue.
Are there any particular trends you’ve noticed in the demographics of your clientele?
I would say that most of my clients have been married for maybe 10+ years, in that middle-age bracket where they seem to be assessing things about themselves and the lives they want to lead. Whether it’s transitioning to parenting, the kids leaving home, there’s some marked milestones that seem to require a lot of adjustment.
As a local, what’s your opinion on the Tamborine Mountain area and community?
I love it! From the moment we moved up here, we had neighbours come over and say hello, invite us over. We’d lived in our last house for 24 years and barely knew the neighbours! It’s just so welcoming here. Looking on the Facebook page and seeing all these people doing things for others, it’s just really nice.
Do you have any personal favourite places to go or things to do on the mountain?
Anywhere that serves coffee! We love going for a walk in the national parks, we have a ladies’ group that plays mahjong together… If you’re interested in something, there’s always somewhere you can find it. There’s just so much here to offer people.
What do you think the Relationship Sanctuary really provides to the area?
I think it’s good that people know they can come somewhere local, they don’t have to go off the mountain, to get help. It’s somewhere that people can just come and be relaxed, chat, and know that they’re in a confidential space.
What do you enjoy most about doing this?
I just love seeing the change in people, seeing hope. People who come in and say “I don’t know if you can help” and then in a few weeks’ time they feel so much more hope, it’s really satisfying to see that change and progress.
Do you have any memorable moments or standout success stories from your time here?
I’ve seen couples where it’s obvious that one is only here because they’ve been dragged along, where they’re checked out of the relationship emotionally and the hope is gone. To see the difference in teaching them to do things differently, you see them start to re-engage again and find that hope, it’s great.
Is there anything else you’d like to go on the record?
I couldn’t imagine doing this in a better place or a better community. I love being here, I think it just helps people to be more reflective to be in an environment like this.
We are always looking for new topics for our blog. If there’s something you like to see more of, email your suggestions to: social@professionalsserendipity.com.au, or email the writer at kyle.hitchmough@hotmail.com.
